You maybe think these comments were never actually uttered, deep within the cloistered walls of of our sophisticated healthcare system?
Ohhhhhhhh, yes they were:
(From Susan Leitner, St. Louis):
“Why did I switch to a woman doctor? Because my last idiot gynecologist used to whistle ‘I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener’ during my pelvic exams.”
(Tina Lopez, RN, Fayetteville, Arkansas):
“I can see it coming in the very near future: The night Robo-nurse calls Robo-doc away from the techno-lounge for a problem. Robo-doc throws a bio-tantrum for being bothered. Robo-nurse, in whom they totally forgot to insert the “cower & whimper” software, calmly emits an electromagnetic shockwave via the blogosphere, frying Robo-doc’s cranial wires all to hell. Robo-doc gets tossed into the bio-waste, where he belongs. Bio-nurse takes a sip of her nutra-tea, and smiles quietly.”
(Kirsten Dillow, LVN, Dallas Parkview):
“Why did I become a nurse? Well, let’s think about this. It paid slightly better than McDonald’s; I liked the idea of being surrounded by men who never act juvenile; it was an opportunity to expose myself to new and exotic diseases; and how else would I ever get to wear shoes as sexy as these?”
(Lisa Vega, RN, Dell Children’s Medical Center, Austin):
“We have a court case here in Texas where a pediatric nurse is suing a doctor for deliberately spraying blood on her. It’s your typical off-the-wall, brain-fart behavior by an obstetrician. After a delivery he was showing everybody how he’d learned to use an umbilical cord as a squirt gun. I swear to God, some female somewhere thinks he’s quite the catch.”
(Dr. Robert Bicker, Newcastle University, England):
“In Europe, bio-engineers are preparing to replace at least some nursing roles with highly-sophisticated ‘nurse bots’ capable of performing all manner of clinical duties independently.
The considerable funding from the European Union is allowing a wide range of concept and development of these rather amazing advances, and their success at creating mechanical “people” is advancing at almost warp speed.
The initial ‘three robot swarm’ is expected to be in limited use in clinical environments by early 2010.
These nurse robots will communicate with each other in teams, or what we call a ‘swarm.’ They will use their own language and be capable of teaching themselves to improve their efficiency as a unit, day by day.”
Early uses of the ‘nurse bot’ would be to clean rooms; deliver blood draw samples to the lab; determine a patient’s temperature from a distance via thermal imaging; pushing wheelchairs; alert staff when needed and eventually dispensing medications.
And in twenty years?
(We appreciate this contribution from Steve Salas RN, Stanford Medical Center):
“Late-night intern games witnessed by teaching hospital nurses”
- Playing “Guess which nurse is wearing a thong”
- Competition Wheelchair Races in the hallways
- Betting which patient will “Kick the Bucket” tonight
- “Twenty Questions” shouted in a good ear
- “Hide and Go Pee” is popular
- Trying to get nurses to play “Spin the Bottle” of Mylanta
(Cassie, BSN, Mountain View Hospital, Las Vegas):
“Here in Nevada we don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Our state assembly is working on a new law that’s going to have doctors apologize for their screw-ups. That way our physician discipline policy will finally live up to . . . you know . . . the level of first-graders.”
Have a terrific weekend, readers. And we thank you for all the notes and ideas for stories you send us.