The Sunday Funnies: Patient Chart Brain Farts

So you maybe think we’re kidding? You can trust Paramedics. We’re not kidding:

Dr Goofy 1

“The infant was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and the baby was handed over to the pediatrician who was breathing and crying immediately.” (Doctor Diary: This birthing stuff is kind of spooky)

“Lab tests indicate this patient has an abnormal lover function.” (Well, we can’t all be Brad Pitt)

“This woman is numb from her toes down.” (Note to Hubby: it could be worse)

“The patient’s skin was moist and dry.” (Think maybe the doc was sober and snockered?)

“Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.” (The damned unions only let you make cars there)

“The child lives at home with his mother, father and pet turtle presently enrolled in day-care three times weekly.” (Nothing’s too good for our reptiles)


“When she fainted her eyes rolled around the room for several minutes.” (Now, if we can just reach that one back there under the sofa)

 “This friendly patient was found to be alert and unresponsive.” (It takes years of training to learn how to talk like this)

“While in the E.R. she was examined, x-rated and sent home.” (Still think your hospital is more fun than our hospital?)

dr goofy 2

“She experiences occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.” (And you’re about to give the pharmacist a full-on migraine.)

“The patient’s skin is somewhat pale but present.” (So glad that skinless, CSI-look is out this year. Yucky)

“This patient has two teenage daughters but no other abnormalities.” (Three sons and they stick you into the ‘freak’ category)

And finally, our favorite physician scribbling of the week:

“She has no rigors or chills or shaking, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.” (Even deathly ill, the little angel kept her priorities in order)

For tons more of these nifty doctor noogie-nuggets, download a copy of “America’s Dumbest Doctors.” They are seriously hilarious.

Have a terrific weekend, readers. And thank you for your continued support of our projects.



One thought on “The Sunday Funnies: Patient Chart Brain Farts

  1. Vic Nicholls says:

    One of my favorites was I ate a lot of headaches.

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