Medical Truths to Make us Laugh . . . and Think

The lady next door told me that her mother was pushing her to have a “natural delivery” with her first pregnancy. She answered her mom this way:

“Thanks to the 40 drug ads on TV every hour, I’ve been popping pills all my life. Why stop now when I’m really in pain?”

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“Medical conventions must always be held in resort cities. It’s a law, based on the scientific principle that – in order to learn anything important – you must be able to either swim or ski after class.” (Mark DePaolis, MD)

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“The easiest doctor job in the world is ‘coroner’. What’s the worst that can happen? If you do everything wrong, somebody wakes up.” (Dennis Miller)

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“If all the drugs in the world as now used, were sunk to the bottom of the sea, human health as a group would immediately improve. Of course it would kill the fish.” (Oliver Wendell Holmes MD)

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On the subject of good health:

“A person who is feeling well is simply a patient who hasn’t had the appropriate medical exams needed to find his or her disease.”  (Anonymous)

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Two socialites were having lunch in Palm Springs. One of them said, “You should see my doctor. He’s terrific.”

“Why should I see your doctor? I’m feeling fine. There’s nothing wrong with me.”

“Well, my doctor is wonderful. He’ll find something. He always does.”

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And lastly, we thought you might appreciate the medical definition of patient death:

“The ultimate state of the final common pathway that emerges, subsequent to a terminal, morbid event, culminating in the eventual cessation of animate bioprocesses.” (Doctors Thomas B Newman and Warren S Browner)

Have a super weekend readers, and never, ever allow the presence of a lab coat to trump your common sense.

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