Paramedic Perspective, Slightly (But Only Slightly) Exaggerated

All that expensive education . . .

All that expensive education . . .

We overhear the darnedest things in the hallowed halls of medicine:

The definition of a ‘heart?’ “The largely hollow muscular organ located in the chest, the sole purpose of which is to pump drugs throughout the human body.”


Doctor: “I can’t find a cause for your pain, Mr. Jackson. So I think it’s probably due to the drinking.”

Patient: “In that case, I’ll come back when you’re sober.”


Third year resident to intern: “If you’re going to use placebos, for God sake use one that really works!”


“When you don’t know what you’re doing, it’s best to be kind of careful.”


“We did that surgery just in time. in another 24 hours the patient would have gotten better on her own.”


The definition of a psychiatrist? “A Jewish doctor who never really liked that part about having to touch people.”


dR gOOFYActual note seen on a medical chart: “This patient has been under many psychiatrists in the past.”


Definition of ‘Barium.’  “What we do when we can’t ‘cure ’em.”


Actual note on an x-ray chart: “There is a faint suggestion of a wisp of density in the left retrocardiac area raising the question of minimal pneumonia but equivocal at best.” (or, as a normal person would say, “I don’t know.”)


Healthcare truism: “If you can’t dazzle people with brilliance, baffle them with statistics.”


And finally, there’s this invaluable ditty:

A poor schizophrenic named Struther

When told of the death of his brother

Said, “Oh that’s too bad

But I can’t feel too sad

In the end I still have each other.’

(Book excerpts, “America’s Dumbest Doctors”)

Have a terrific weekend, readers. And thank you for visiting.



One thought on “Paramedic Perspective, Slightly (But Only Slightly) Exaggerated

  1. Ron says:

    There are still Josef Mengeles among us, and my personal experience of 20 years in hospitals leads me to believe that personality disorders and outright evil among physicians is not that uncommon.

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