Physician Phunnies: Now and Then We’ve Just Got to Lighten Up

A woman carrying an infant got onto a tour bus to Las Vegas.  As she handed her ticket to the driver the man said, “Wow.  That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.”

The mother, shocked and speechless, made her way to the rear and took a seat next to a retired podiatrist.  “Do you know what the driver said to me?”

“Why, no,” he answered.  “I didn’t hear.”

“That idiot said I have an ugly baby.  I think I ought to go back up there and slap his face.”

“That’s exactly what he deserves,” replied the doctor.  “Here.  Let me hold your monkey for you.”

*          *          *

After school, a little girl goes home to tell her mother that a boy in her class had asked her to play doctor.

“Oh, Lord,” gasps the mom.  “Tell me exactly what happened.”

“Not much,” answered the girl.  “He made me wait 25 minutes at recess and then he came out and poked a popsicle stick in my mouth.”

*          *          *

A woman visits a new doctor with a baby. She is taken into the exam room and waits.  Within a few minutes the doc comes in and checks the infant, finding that he is failing to gain weight.  So he asks, “Is this little guy on the bottle?”

“Oh, no,” said the woman.  “He’s breast fed.”

“Well okay,” says the doctor.  “I’ll need you to strip down to your waist.”

The woman is more than a little surprised, but knows that doctors are smarter than the rest of us, so she does what she’s told.  The physician begins prodding, kneading and poking her breasts.  Eventually he motions for her to get dressed, and says, “No wonder the baby isn’t gaining weight.  You don’t have any milk.”

The woman frowns and says, “Of course I don’t.  I’m his aunt.”

*          *          *

(Excerpts from the E-book, “America’s Dumbest Doctors.”)


One thought on “Physician Phunnies: Now and Then We’ve Just Got to Lighten Up

  1. Ron Slade Sr. says:

    Sounds like the one where to newborn baby was so ugly the Dr. slapped the mother.

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