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At a traffic jam in the middle of town a commuter leans his head out the window to ask a police officer what the holdup is all about.
“Some pediatrician just found out he’s going to jail for child molestation. He’s broke and he can’t make bail. The guy’s depressed and is threatening to burn himself up with gasoline. So people are stopping cars asking for donations.”
“Unbelievable. So much have they collected so far?”
“Folks are still siphoning, but I’d say they got about 20 gallons.”
* * *
When a famous kidney specialist died, about 200 people showed up at his funeral. His coffin was prominently displayed as a huge plastic model of a kidney. After the minister finished his oratory, the kidney rolled forward and magically opened, displaying the reclining body of the deceased. That was when one of the mourners in the crowd suddenly burst out laughing.
The fellow seated next to him looked over in disgust. “Show some respect. What is it with you?”
“Sorry. I can’t help but wonder about my own funeral someday.”
“What’s so funny about that?”
“I’m a proctologist.”
* * *
* * *
A dying elderly doctor looks up at his wife holding his hand. He sees tears running down her face.
He smiles faintly and says, “I’ve been so lucky to have you. I’m terribly sorry about all those foolish affairs I’ve had.”
“You just relax,” she answered. “No need to apologize for anything.”
“But I really need to hear you say you forgive me.”
“Not at all,” she answers. “Just lie back and let the blowfish serum work.”
* * *
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